Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become.
Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be.
- James Allen

On a historical note…

During the infamous witch trials, a common ‘test’ was to bind the hand and feet of the accused and throw him or her into a river or pond. If the person floated, they were found guilty of witchcraft. If they did not float, then he or she was considered innocent, though the aquittal would have come too late, as the accused, to be found innocent, would have drowned.

I wonder how many innocent people had to drown to satisfy the rabid mob.

I am sleep challenged.

Rather introspective tonight.

I am not perfect and so I work very hard at not expecting it in others. I like that the human psyche has flaws. It has so much more character that way. Perfection just seems so superficial to me.

There are people who never admit to being wrong. I am wrong, often and profusely. I was today and I will likely be so tomorrow. I made some wrong choices that I am not thrilled with. I can either choose to regret them and add them to the host of ghosts, demons and skeletons, or I can learn from them and move on. I think they may want to hang around for a while. Pesky things. I think others may choose try to shackle them to me.

I got a big distracted. I found some old writings of mine from years and years ago. Interesting stuff. I was so edgy back then. More and more I find myself cycling back to the way I felt during those time periods.

My life is a big puzzle. People think they see the whole picture, but they only have the few pieces I am willing to share. No one has the full picture, not even Kevin. Some of those pieces are just so dark…

What we see online, or really anywhere, are just puzzle pieces. Some think they are so smart, thinking they see the full picture. Really, the only one who does have that picture is the one living it.

And that is ok.

Why do people think they are actually entitled to all the pieces?

I have never understood this. This sense of entitlement.

There was a time when I made a lot of choices in my life that people did not agree with. Others judged me poorly, though their own lives were not perfect. You know what they say, “Point a finger at someone else and four point back at yourself.”

I pointed a finger yesterday.

Now, I am staring at those four fingers… remembering… and wanting to hide my ghosts, demons and skeletons. Am I ashamed of them? Perhaps. But moreso, they are MINE. I share then with who I chose to.

So I look back on some of my writings from that dark time period. I am going to post some quotes from others, to remind myself…

“Sin lies only in hurting others unnecessarily. All other “sins” are invented nonsense.”

“Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.”

“Great Spirit, Let me not criticize another until I have walked a mile in his moccasins.”

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
- Dr. Seuss

Superwoman has left the body!

Today being a bad fibro day.

What was No.1 on the day you were born?

the U.S. No.1 was… Venus by Shocking Blue

the U.K. No.1 was… Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes) by Edison Lighthouse

From the first hello you gave to me
I’ve done nothing else but smile
And I know you’re in a hurry
but it’s gonna take a while.
So forgive me if we go slow,
but there’s something I think you should know…

I’m goin fast as I can, please don’t make me rush
this feeling’s coming on way too fast
I’ll tell you all of the things that you’ll never forget
But I’m not ready say ‘I love you’ yet
I’m not ready to say ‘I love you’ yet.

— Alan Doyle
(Great Big Sea)

I know I have not updating in a long while. Much has changed in my life…

As some know… and others will learn… many months ago I fell in love with a man who makes my heart sing. Because of him I smile true smiles of happiness and cry tears of joy. I adore him. I cherish him. I love him unconditionally.

We originally met online in 1998 in a chatroom. No we didn’t fall all over each other right away. I was jaded. He was scared. The time was not right for either of us. But we became friends. Last year I began to realize how I might be feeling for him, but I kept those feelings locked far away. That scared me. I have been hurt so much in the past. No way was I ready to open myself up to care for another again. My heart was not ready. My psyche was not ready.

Earlier this year I finally began to heal enough and be brave enough to open up to him. It has been a long and scary road for me, because I have more than my share of skeletons, demons, and ghosts in my closet, under the bed and in the attic. But over time I have shared all of my deep dark secrets with him, subconsciencely trying to scare him away. Though many of my beasties did scare him, they didn’t scare him away. Never once did he run.

We have our issues and challenges. I know my health conditions are not easy to live with for me, let alone another person. I swore long ago I would not be a burden to another. I am also older than him… by 7 years, 3 months, 2 weeks less 3 minutes. For a long time I hid behind my disabilities and my age. They scare me as well as him. But we are dealing with them one baby step at a time.

Our friendship grew and so did our feelings. One day I realized that not only did I love him, but that I was IN love with him! This shocked me because I didn’t think I was capable of loving someone so deeply again. Totally. Completely. Unconditionally.

We had talked for a few months about me coming to Atlanta for a visit. Things changed in my life and I made the decision to actually move to Atlanta. I would get my own apartment and we would see how things went. No pressure and no promises. We would see face to face if what we were feeling from a distance would have the needed chemistry face to face. I must admit I was a wreck! *L* I knew that I would definitely feel chemistry towards him, but would he towards me? All my silly female insecurities made me a neurotic mess!!!

On August 1st, I hopped a Greyhound to Atlanta to begin a new chapter in my life. I took 5 suitcases/trunks with me, leaving all else behind. I wasn’t sure what I would find when I got there, but I knew what I felt in my heart and I knew that if nothing else, I would have a fantastic friend.

Love grows from our capacity to give what is deepest within ourselves and also receive what is deepest within another person. The heart becomes an ocean strong and deep, launching all on it’s tide. My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have..

- William Shakespeare